Sunday, December 20, 2009

I Thought This Was a Safe House!!!

For many people, the thought of being caught under the mistletoe is a pleasant one. They picture surprise first kisses, snuggly eskimo kisses, or a romantic goodnight kiss with the one they love.
For me, however, the thought of being caught under the mistletoe fill me with terror. I believe this fear originates from one Christmas Eve at my grandparents' house when I was probably about 7 years old. My grandma had hung mistletoe in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room, and after one of my crazy boy cousins chased me around trying to kiss my cheek, I spent the rest of the day scootching through that doorway with my back against the wall so I would never officially be under the mistletoe.
For years, I have felt a certain amount of security that my mother would never do anything so silly as hang mistletoe in our doorways, so I was able to walk through our house freely without concern about sneak-attack kisses. But today, alas, what should I see hanging cheerfully above the doorway from the kitchen to the porch but a ball of mistletoe? I am safe no longer.
Merry Christmas? HA! Merry Avoid-a-Kiss-mas is more like it.
And by whom, you might ask, am I so afraid of being kissed? You never know, I say. You just never know.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Princess Music!

I have compiled a playlist of all the best Disney Princess songs. Check it out!

I included "Won't Say I'm in Love" from Hercules; Meg shouldn't be left out just because there's no "Disney Goddesses" group. Also "God Help the Outcasts" from Hunchback of Notre Dame because Esmeralda is a princess by the same criteria as Mulan: she married an army officer. I suppose it could be argued that Mulan held an important government position and Esmeralda did not... but as far as marriage goes they are equal. And ok... Thumbelina isn't a Disney Princess... but she is a fairy princess and one of my personal favs.

I have been listening to this playlist as I study because it makes me so nostalgically happy plus singing along is a great stress buster.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Makeup Cheers Me Up :D

My day was going badly with much much stress. I had a linguistics final which I hadn't prepared for sufficiently and a final portfolio with three pieces to be finished. I can't even think about how incredibly anxious I was about my life earlier today; it makes me feel sick.
After that, I went to Panera and successfully connected my little netbook to the free wifi there for an hour or so of eating and social networking. I ate a whole sandwich even though I wasn't really hungry. I didn't eat at all until almost 3:00 today because I quite literally didn't have time, and that does things to me mentally. Then I went to Rue21 right next door and bought this gorgeous ring ($8) and a new wallet ($3) made of dark purple leather with ruffles. Also, it has a metal frame with a clasp, not a trifold with a snap like my old knockoff Prada one from NYC. So hopefully it'll take up less room. This expedition was shopping therapy at its best! I hope this doesn't become a habit though... it could get expensive. At Rue21 they tried to get me to buy perfume (which was on sale for $9.99) and I almost caved, but it smelled like cheap soap, so in the end it wasn't too hard to walk away. I'm no ninny. ;)
I came home around 6 with a headache and an upset stomach, fatigued and grumpy, so I sat down at my computer to watch something on No Desperate Housewives (yes, I watch this show :p), and no Castle! (LOVE this show... is it on Tuesday nights?) So I watched an old episode and then switched over to NBC to catch up on the Office. (Is it me or are the episodes growing increasingly bland?) This is how I unwind: I watch online TV. I would have played the piano, which is also a great destresser(I think I just made up a word) for me, but my little sister has a recital tomorrow night, so she's been practicing for hours and thus blocking my access. Boo.
Anywho, what really truly just made my day was walking into my bedroom to get ready for sleeping and seeing a package from e.l.f. on my bed! My order of a couple weeks ago finally came! I was SO excited, I got right down to opening everything, trying out different lip colors and eyeshadows. I washed my face twice so I could reapply and try new shades. I had a total blast, and now with my new hair and my new makeup I feel so beeeuutiiifuuuul that all I can do is bounce around and giggle. Hmm, that sounds sarcastic, but I was serious. Hahahaha I've really been doing that for the past 20 minutes or so! This day has gone from being total poop to being totally delightful!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

A New Computer and a Whole New Head of Hair

First and foremost, I think it worth mentioning that thanks to a little help from my birthday money, I am now in possession of a new Toshiba netbook. It is a perfect little thing and for some reason I love blogging from it. I think it makes me feel hip. I acknowledge the fact that it doesn't actually make me hip, but it feels that way. So chances are that most of the times I update my blog from here on in will be from the baby laptop.

Moving on to the actual topic that I wish to address today: my new hair! Nobody probably noticed, because the change is so slight, but I certainly notice and I feel like a supermodel! (a short one... but still ;) I did the flip-head-over-and-cut-straight-across cut on myself a couple of nights ago, and it gave me just the right amount of layers for growing it out. That's right: my long hair is making a comeback! (sometime in the next couple of years...) And then there's the new styling technique...
I have always been a fan of embracing your hair's natural textures and I've encouraged air drying, not brushing after a shower, and using minimal amounts of product. But who knew that my hair + golf-ball-sized poof of mousse + blowdryer with diffuser attached = amazing wavy/curly hair with body and bounce? Woohoo! I've been tossing my hair around all day (subtley... I hope) because it feels so awesome to have such amazing hair on my head. And you know what the best part of all this is? It only takes me about 10 minutes once my hair is towel-dried! I am so pumped about this new discovery. Now if only my hair would hurry up and grow.

Ok, so this post is admittedly pretty superficial, but I think it's worth it to sometimes to look at the surface and praise God for the things we love about our appearances! I mean, He made us look that way for a reason and obviously loves everything about us. So even though it's silly, thank you, sweet Lord for giving me supermodel hair! And a hip computer to blog from. :D hahahahaha

Busy Busy in a Tizzy

This week as I prepare for finals, I have become ragingly self-centered. Not really in an egotistical way (I hope) but more in a way in which my mind focuses only on what I have to do next. I guess one of the many limitations I'm discovering about myself (though I've suspected it for some time now) is that I have a one-track mind. One thing at a time consumes my very being and I pretty much can think of nothing else. And right now that one thing is school.
As a result, though, I feel like some of my relationships are suffering. I haven't really talked with
either of my older sisters for what feels like a long time. I haven't had time to hang out with any of the usual crowd these past couple of weeks (I skipped bible study! eeek!) and when I get home at night I generally just eat and then work and then sleep. This lack of connection has also extended, unfortunately, to the relationship that means more to me than anything in the world.

Today I went to Mass and tried to stay for a holy hour afterward. I couldn't do it. Even with the King of Kings right there inside my heart I felt not a single thing. I tried to say some prayers and read a little booklet about Mary, but still nothing. I looked straight at the Host in the monstrance but could not get any feelings of respect or love to stir in my heart. After about 15 minutes of this I just left.
I was thinking about this little instance today on the trolley on my way home. It bugged me. I was frustrated with myself and with God. Why is it that some days adoration is amazing and soul-changing and other days it is as though I were sitting in an empty room? Off-days like today make me extremely skeptical about my faith, down to the very basics of what I believe. 'How am I so sure that there is even a God?' I ask myself. It is then that I remember those golden moments in my life when I've never been so sure of anything as of the fact that God reigns over Heaven and Earth and He loves me like no other. I was conjuring up those memories just today to combat the wave of doubt that washed over me, and it was then that I realized that all of those moments have something in common. In each instance, I left myself completely open to what He wanted to say to me. I was unafraid to hear His voice and see His hand in my life and uninhibited by my prideful "knowledge" of the world. Scripture says that "the simple find wisdom," and how many times over this has proven to be true in my own life! For in each of those beautiful moments, tired of the noise of the world, I quieted myself and let simplicity lead the way to His heart.
Once I realized this, I almost laughed out loud at myself. My mind and my heart had certainly not been quiet or simple earlier today. I pictured the Lord as a frustrated lover, wishing that I would just SHUT UP already so He could whisper sweet nothings into my ear. Of course he understands that our human nature sometimes makes it difficult for us to concentrate on abstract things such as Himself... but if we just give it a little effort it's not impossible. The thing is, the love of God never goes away. The love that lived and breathed and bled and died to save us is the same whether we're feeling it overwhelm us or not feeling a thing. The difference usually lies in our hearts (unless God is testing you! in which case your heart is totally open to Him and He still withholds that connected feeling, a.k.a consolation, but this generally occurs later in the spiritual journey to more experienced travelers). So stick it out in your holy hours (if you're doing them. If not you should really look into it! :D). Open your hearts and don't let fear or internal noise keep you away from Him! He desires so much to be near to you! "Behold, I stand at the door and knock..."

Saturday, December 5, 2009

End of the Semester Blues

I haven't written in.... well, a very long time. Obviously. I can't really think of good reason why not. I think I just forgot I had a blog for a while. Plus, as usual, things have been super busy.
I always say that when people ask me, "How've you been?" or "How are things going?" "Busy," is always the reply because it's always true. I'm just putting the finishing touches on my schedule for next semester (one of the classes I added was canceled and I had to find a replacement) so I'm feeling introspective about this topic.

Every time I make a schedule of classes (I've made about 7 now counting high school and the past three semesters) I feel optimistic about the coming year/semester. I get excited. I think, "This semester will be different. This year I will be able to concentrate on my classes the way I've always wanted to, without interruptions. This semester I will enjoy my classes; they all look so interesting! I sincerely want to learn about what each of them has to offer. These classes will make up a big part of my life in the near future."
But that's never the way it happens. Life keeps on going regardless of my class schedule. And no matter how optimistic I am at the beginning, there will always be unexpected deaths in the family, sick days (or weeks, in my case), a friend who needs you to be there even though you have a lot to do. And I will probably get behind and be outrageously stressed out about the very classes I was so looking forward to only a few months before.
It's a hard pill for my idealistic self to swallow. This whole time-management thing so rarely works out the way I want it to. Sometimes I wonder if I really am that busy or if I just... feel that way. I mean, maybe I just can't deal with life's normal ups and downs like most people can. If this is about learning my limitations as a student and as a person, then it's a very humbling experience.
The truth of the matter is, most days I would be perfectly happy to hole myself up in my little office room all day and chill out. I don't mind being alone. But most days that's not really an option, so I keep pulling myself out of bed and going out to fight the good fight. I do want to get a good education. I really do want to learn. It's just the day-to-day grind that sometimes gets me down.
Sorry for the defeated tone of this post. I've just been feeling a bit melancholy lately, I guess. Make-up work always does this to me, and finals are looming on the not-so-distant horizon. Perhaps I should be stronger and try to pull through it with a smile on my face, but you can only smile for so long before your cheeks hurt.