Thursday, April 28, 2011

Cars, Control, Life and Things

Hello my beloved and faithful readers.  I am sorry to have neglected you for so long, but my life has hit an exceptionally busy patch, and this is truly the first moment I've had in over a week for any activities not qualified as productive or recovering from being productive.  I don't mind; honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way, and this is the happiest (and healthiest, mentally) I've been since the very beginning of this school year.
When I was first learning to drive, I had six lessons with a driving instructor.  He was quite an interesting character, who I'm sure many of the Bethel Park crowd remember, but he made learning to drive relatively painless.  Anyway, I distinctly remember one of the first times I went around a rather sharp curve in the road; I braked going into it the way any good driver would, navigating the curve at a safe but still-a-bit-nerve-wracking speed for my new-driver self, and as we reached that point where the road started to straighten out again, my instructor said, "Ok, good job.  Now hit the gas and feel control of the car return directly to you."  I stepped on the gas and felt the car surge forward, and just like that I was in complete control again, just like he had said.  For some reason that moment has stuck with me ever since, and I think of it every time I hit the gas after slowing down for a curve or a turn.  The sensation of being in control of something so powerful never gets old.  Man, I love driving.  Too bad I'm moving to one of the only cities in the world where nobody drives anywhere.  But I digress.
In the past month, taking control of my ADHD has given me exactly that feeling of exhilaration and relief that I experienced during that fateful driving lesson.  I can almost hear my driving instructor's voice saying, "Now feel control of your life returning directly to you."  My life is crazy busy; I've been working two jobs, one downtown and one in the South Hills, without having a car at my disposal, all while planning a visit to New York City (tomorrow!!) and transferring schools and pretty much putting drastic life changes into motion, and I've been able to pull through with nary a mishap! My planner has never looked so beautiful!  Yesterday I made a to-do list for the afternoon on my bus ride home and did ALL the things!
Yes, Things are actually pretty awesome.  I make lists of Things all the time.  Things to do, Things I want, Things to be happy about, Things that I'm worried about, Things I can do so I don't have to worry, and so on and so on.  And now, I am DOING things, too!  I am getting Things done!  And every Thing that I do takes me one step closer to being what we call a Real Live Grown-Up Person.  The more complicated my life is, the more I prove to myself and to the world that I CAN DO THIS.  I can do all the Things!
Hahaha I am raving like a lunatic a little bit.  I apologize for that.  I just get so excited.  This is also why I sometimes choke when I am eating.  But that is a story for another day.
Anyway, that is pretty much all I wanted to say.  Treatment for my ADHD is going amazingly great, and with each challenge that I overcome here in Pittsburgh, however small, I feel a little bit more ready to take on the bigger challenges that my new life in NYC will present. At last I am acquiring the tools I need to be a healthy and successful adult.   This is my life, and I will not let attention deficit disorder or anxiety take it away from me.