Learning Not to Be Strong

Recently I stumbled across the work of this beautiful artist, Yiruma. He's a pianist and a composer, and his work is phenomenal. It makes me feel.
He creates this airy, floating piano music. Listening to it is like basking in morning sunlight or sipping fresh milk or sinking into an immense feather bed.
Sometimes, when I hear this music, I feel immensely happy, like a princess chasse-ing across a ballroom. A smile lights up my face and I feel at peace and filled with joy in the Lord.
More often, though, the music makes me sad. More than once has it moved me to tears, real tears of loneliness or despair.

This has been a recurring issue for me: tears... vulnerability.
There are very few times when I feel comfortable crying. If something makes me feel sad, I don't let myself cry, especially not in public. I want to be strong. Even at funerals. Even when everyone around me is crying, too. Even when my heart is broken.
Things have changed, though, since I've drawn closer to the Lord. "Cry," He says to me. "Your tears are beautiful. They show that I matter to you, that My work matters to you. They show your weakness and your vulnerability and your beauty. They show that you need Me, My little one."
This world is a sorrowful place. There are many things to weigh us down and many things to pull us away from the Lord, Who is our source of strength and happiness. We live in a "valley of tears."

So, when I hear this music and feel sad hearing it, then I know: something is amiss in my life. There is some trial that I am not dealing with well, though everything may seem fine on the surface. So I let the tears come. And I bring them to the Lord. And I tell Him everything. And He smiles at me and brings joy back into my heart with His love and His graces. And soon I am smiling again as I wipe the tears from my eyes.

So you see, in avoiding the tears and the feelings we rely on our own strength to deal with the situation at hand. The key is learning NOT be strong so that we may share those tender moments with our Lord, Who wishes for nothing more than to be there with us through all our sufferings and failings. He loves us so very much. Cry, and let Him love you.

Tangooooo!

Tonight I went to Tango Club for the first time. It was their last meeting of the year. Ironic.
Anywho, before tonight, I had only ever danced in the American style of tango. Tango club dances Argentinian style.
The American style is strict, with a set posture, and a seldom-changing basic step. The step turns for promenade and a few flourishes of the feet, but is mostly the same. Also, the girl must never look at the guy; her head is turned to the left and tipped back away from him as though she is turning up her nose to his attempts to woo her. In fact, the drama of the dance comes from the tension between the guy and the girl.
Argentine tango is much more free-flowing. The strict posture and steps are not as important, but being tuned in to your partner is! This dance is very unpredictable, and it is up to the guy to lead the girl into whatever step he chooses, while it is up to the girl to follow him well. There is no "basic step," so to speak, because the dance is supposed to feel very natural. The posture is much more relaxed, and close! The drama of this dance definitely comes from the passion between the man and the woman.
Both styles are breathtakingly beautiful. The posture and tone of American tango is delightful, while the footwork in the Argentine tango is fantastic. When you're with a strong lead, even the more intricate footwork seems simple, and there's so much you can do!
Basically, I'm falling more and more in love with tango every time I encounter it! I think I've finally found a dance that I think is beautiful AND I can do well, after years of struggling through ballet classes.
This afternoon I was so stressed out, and tango club seemed like just one more thing on my list of things to do (don't worry, Mom, I had to go to make up a class, I was NOT just wasting time haha). But now I'm so glad that I went, because afterward I was happy again. The exercise and the concentration on something totally new cleared my mind completely. It's like hitting the reset button in a most enjoyable way.
Next semester, the Tango club can count me in as a regular member! Also there are, apparently, Tango Nights every Wednesday at Peters Pub! Who knew? I'm pretty pumped. Why, oh why did I wait until the week before finals to get involved?

Holy Week

Ah, this most blessed week of the year. So far it has been loaded with suffering. It's only to be expected. Embrace the cross, y'all. Just do it. It makes the resurrection that much sweeter.